She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
