my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
