I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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