wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
