You work out of a Hotel?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you had me at cake vodka
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
