you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
BRING THE BAGELS
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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