Buhtt sex?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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