There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
cat food counts as protein by the way
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
