pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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