my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
