Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
