guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
