We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
