what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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