Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
