I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
