Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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