two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
