I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
