I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you never un-have a 4some
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
