I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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