The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
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