Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
