i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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