Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
