dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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