So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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