once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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