It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
