the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
