I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
