Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
