I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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