a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
