It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
