I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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