We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
