uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
