he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
