I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Randomize
