Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
