I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
