On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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