So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
