I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
