You're earring is so big in my mouth
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
