She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
