I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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