We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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