Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
