So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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