I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
