one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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