Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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