oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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